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Hindenburg Lips.

Okay, I’m seriously irritated. 

Cliche for a blog to start out this way, but whatever.

Saw the trailer for “Transformers 3”.  Yeah, it looks amazing as far as the special effects and the ‘bots and all that.  My kids will be enthused.  This we know.


Michael Bay, I really wish I could meet you once just so I could punch you in the mouth.  Yeah, you’ve gotten my money.  I march dutifully down to the Enorm-O-Plex to see the epic blockbuster blahbedy blah blah whatever you’re putting out, so sure, the joke’s on me.

Megan Fox was gorgeous already.  Ungodly flawless.  You covered up those abysmal tattoos, because she’s dumb as a post and proves it, among other ways, by permanently scarring the vessel that’s going to be her sole source of income for life.  Nice work.  But for “Transformers 2”, from the moment she appeared on screen waving those chicken cutlets at me, I was distracted and disgusted and trying to mentally calculate for the better part of the movie My GOD how old is she?  And what handler in his right mind would let her DO THAT TO HERSELF?

Then I see the “Transformers 3” trailer.  I’m going to copy bonniegrrl’s tweet here for reference:

bonniegrrl Bonnie Burton  
Where were you when they took over the planet? New #Transformers3 trailer!

Good God, how can that poor girl even see past those ridiculous things?  At one point in our culture I would have been laughing at her fake cans, but her LIPS. 

I keep thinking about Princess Leia in “Return of the Jedi”.  The pinnacle of hotness, right?  The Slave Leia Bikini.  Just her hair pulled back from that face, that exceptionally beautiful face, and yeah, a lot of skin.  No silicone.  Young Carrie Fisher.  Saw her this week on the New Now Next Awards, and she’s still gorgeous.

Would Uncle George have been pressured to “enhance” her between movies if they were being made now?  My brain just recoils in horror at the concept.
Do our standards of beauty now demand that every 19-year-old model/actress/whatever have lips bigger than my head?  And if she doesn’t, they have to be fixed?  Seriously?  How am I supposed to explain that to my 12-year-old daughter? 

"Megan Fox wasn’t beautiful enough”?

I recruit for the Republic Service Organization.  We work to make the world a better place, and we put on makeup and take pretty pictures.  In large part, I tend to try to pull in girls based on what I see in their hearts and their souls, because all women are beautiful.  If I can pull someone in and remind her that she’s beautiful, and that we can all put on makeup and do hair and take pictures together and do great things … she smiles.  She sees the potential.  And maybe she looks in the mirror that day, or another day, and sees for a moment what I see.  I can give these other fantastic women that gift.

Michael Bay telling the world that beauty in women is so narrowly defined is enough to make every normal woman never be able to look in a mirror again without being dissatisfied with, or hating, what she sees.  That, in a nutshell, makes me want to punch him in the mouth.

So there’s that.